Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
