i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize