It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
