in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
