I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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