I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
