my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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