I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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