Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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