oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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