Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
