i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
