Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you just see the Batmobile???
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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