Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He felt like a one man threesome
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
