You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
