Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
