You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
