Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
try to milk me bitch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
