And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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