you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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