i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
