we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
