i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
