dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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