i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
