I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
