things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
