So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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