I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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