She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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