Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
