I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
