As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
