You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
