Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
