i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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