I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
