On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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