9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
