My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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