ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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