Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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