Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
