I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
