This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
