No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
