i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
