dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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