i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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