I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
