she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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