Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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