Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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