college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
