If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
