I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
