You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
