you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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