I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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