I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Randomize
