I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
