Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
