Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
