i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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