The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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